So, I’ve received some e-mails about my eyebrows. Some of you like them, others love them, and some aren’t sure why I’d want to remove them and pencil them in. This is my explanation and reasoning behind why they are the way they are, and look the way they do. Let me just say that although I’m not trying to be rude in any manner, I don’t owe haters any sort of explanation…but I figured I’d give one anyway.
So, when I was younger, I developed a nervous condition known as Trichotillomania, or Trich for short, which is actually considered an impulse control disorder. Some doctors now classify it as a severe form of OCD – which I also have in other aspects of my every day life, such as electrical appliances. I check electrical appliances at least two times (i.e. my flat iron, my coffee pot, my toaster oven, etc – anything than can cause a fire); doors and windows have to be checked 2-3 times before bed, even if I know they’re locked; I *have* to check on my kids even though they’re teenagers and pre-teen aged twice before I go to bed, etc. It ties in with my severe panic attacks and anxiety attack disorder, as well as depression. It started around 12-13 years of age, and though I had been to counseling, therapy, tried meds, and other forms of therapy, nothing worked. This disorder developed as a result of extreme traumatic events in my life as a child. It’s important to note that it was something that was beyond my control. The disorder caused me to impulsively pull out hair from various parts of my body, namely eyebrows and eyelashes. It was something I’d find myself doing as I was sitting there spacing out, and when I did it, I felt terrible about myself. Every time I looked in the mirror, I hated the way I looked. I had immediate family members, who were a big cause of the problem (actually, 100% cause of the problem), who would talk about what a freak I was, and how ugly I was. It was extremely hard to deal with, and still is till this day.
Although my lashes have grown back because I’ve grown out of the ‘pulling’ phase, the eyebrow area is still extremely sparse. I am working on a few different hair regrowth methods that are working, praise God, so while they are growing back, I am still penciling them in and filling them in with brow powder. It’s not a look I chose to go for, it was sort of just something I learned to deal with and have been dealing with and doing for a long time.
At 31 years old, I am still dealing with the disease, and it’s been a life long bout of recovery for me. When I was younger and in school, I had to explain the reason behind the problem more often than I cared to – and it was made worse for me then, because I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup for a long time as a teenager, so there was no covering up the empty brows or missing lashes. It was mortifying.
I just wanted everyone to know that that is the reason why they look the way they do. I’m so incredibly envious of the girls who have those gorgeous, thick eyebrows as I once had – in fact, my eyebrows were likened to Brooke Shields as a child. They were dark, thick, and very pretty.
Now that I’m finally, after long last, healing – I am hoping soon, I can show you guys a new side of me. So, for those who have made nice comments and sent me messages about how you love them, thank you – you’ve done my soul some good. For those who have just not understood and think this is some kind of life choice, now you know the difference. And if you still have something negative, mean, or hateful to say, keep it to yourself because I don’t need to hear about it.